It is speculated amongst this nation's brightest minds that my shins are perhaps the biggest deal, socio-politically speaking, in the Northern Hemisphere. A recent White House memo has been leaked detailing that if Russia continues to assist Iran bolster their storehouses of mid-range ballistics missiles that they will be left with no recourse but to send me to Putan and release the fury of the tibia. However, being that I have been recently captivated by peacemaking and other forms of restorative justice, I will likely feel that obeying such an order would pose a conflict of interests. After all what would Jesus do? Honestly.